Peace, I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. (John 14:27).
It is not only a religious but also a customary and conventional practice to pray for the dead. In fact, it is worthwhile wishing the dead a peaceful and perfect rest. This is what has been countlessly observed during funeral rites and interment at the graveside. Funeral programs often contain eulogies and tributes in honour of the dead. They describe the quantum of love, affection, and emotions once shared. But at times, one wonders about the quality of relationships that transpired between the living and the dead. To what extent are the dead really missed and cherished?
Over time, I have formed the habit of staying all through the rites at the graveside, until the grave is almost filled up with sand. I do this for some personal reasons. Yet, I notice that immediately after lowering the coffin and the dust-to-dust ritual is performed, the immediate family of the deceased practically leave the graveside. This may be partly because they cannot withstand watching the remains of their loved ones being sand filled, or because the emotion at that moment is intense. In any case, that moment, for me, is one to pay the last respect to a loved one. It is a memory never to be missed and a precious time to say, if at all, with a contrite disposition, requiescat in pace – rest in peace.
Then after all the ceremonies and rituals, what is next? Business as usual? Return to the same old way of life, old way of relationship? Is it a surge back to the former life of enmity, strife, quarrelling, anger, hatred, bitterness, and chaos? If so, for how long? How long before we allow peace to reign? If we wish and pray that the dead rest in peace, who says we cannot also live in peace? We spend so much and plan so long to accord the dead a befitting burial and a peaceful rest, yet, we rarely have time to meet and plan on how to achieve peace, tranquility, and happiness.
It is always beneficial to live in peace. If at the end of the day we hope to rest in peace with the Lord, then it is also right and just to live in peace with one another. Even Jesus prayed and wished that his disciples should experience peace in the world, amidst the vicissitudes of life. If not, he probably would not have said: “Peace, I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives” (John 14:27). He understood quite well the benefits of peace, that peace is often accompanied by joy, happiness, progress, unity, prosperity, development, good health, and stability. It was because he meant everyone to enjoy these fruits of peace, that he expressed his desire that his disciples experience peace in the world too.
But peace comes with a price. It comes with serious investment. To live in peace, one must put in, give, or offer something. There is no peace without sacrifice, self-denial, dialogue, justice, humility, apology, forgiveness, and respect. Besides, in some cases, it comes with a dose of purposeful protest, assertiveness, persuasion, compromise, consensus, and conflicts. Yes, conflict. Sometimes peace comes after a conflict in friendship, family, marriage, business, workplace, community, and society. Conflicts can serve both a negative and positive purpose. When conflict is maturely managed and engineered positively, it could eventually lead to peace and order. In this sense, conflict becomes necessary for peace to reign. Peter and Paul had their conflicts that resulted in mutual understanding and a peaceful working relationship. That is why today, every Twenty-ninth Day of June is celebrated the feast of Saints Peter and Paul in the Catholic church’s calendar.
The state of war does not always signify the absence of peace. The lingering situation currently ongoing between Ukraine and Russia (war) is not only the sign of absence of peace. Peace may be far-fetched even when everywhere seems calm and ‘ostensibly peaceful.’ How could people live in peace when there are unresolved and primordial vicious sentiments and grudges resulting from hatred, unforgiveness, bitterness, malice, envy, jealousy, disrespect, discrimination, exploitation, neglect, abuse, selfishness, abandonment, pride, injustice, extortion, brutality, misrule of law, and impunity everywhere? Many a time, these conditions are glossed over and left unattended to. They are never addressed and resolved. They linger for too long and unnecessarily, and they make peace elusive, and a dream never to ever come true.
For peace to reign, there is need for dialogue. There is the need to come to the discussion table for a fruitful conversation. While at the roundtable discussion, there must be mutual respect. No room for any iota of superiority or inferiority complexes. There is the need to be assertive. Sometimes, people feel hurt and offended, and rather than speak out, prefer to remain silent. This is always a dangerous error often being made. Jesus admonishes: “If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one” (Matt. 18:15). The principle here is that an offended person has an obligation to approach an offender and speak up. The rationale behind this is for dialogue, apology, reconciliation, forgiveness, healing, peace, and justice to prevail.
It is important to expatiate a bit further here. Jesus has set before Christians, and all men, and women of goodwill inclusive, in the text of Matthew 18:15-17, a three-step model or approach to reconciliation and peace. If faithfully observed and adhered to, they always help to restore healthy relationships that pave the way for peaceful coexistence and harmony. In the first step, as seen above, Jesus advocates for a one-on-one dialogue between the two parties (v 15). If this fails, then the second step is to seek the intervention of two or three witnesses (v 16). And if this fails still, seek the intervention of the church, otherwise, “let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector” (v 17). In otherwise, you have done your bit, let the matter be. The guilt is no longer on you, but the other party.
But how often we apply these time-tested Christian principles for peace and reconciliation to reign whenever there is a quarrel, conflict, or misunderstanding at hand, is something to be imagined. But Jesus has set the roadmap for us to follow. It requires courage and a firm resolve to do the right thing. When we ignore these steps, or maybe after a few failed efforts we relapse, we get at daggers-drawn with our neighbours. How often does the Holy Spirit urge and prompt us to embrace peace and reconciliation, and yet we are adamant and reluctant? We end up not seeing eye to eye when alive. We live in rancour and strife all through the few years God has allotted to everyone. We fight one another for the rest of our lives and call one another names. We harbour generational trauma and bequeath primeval bigotry. We coexist with self-inflicted depressive moods, panic attacks and anxieties. We thrive in avoidable withdrawal and self-isolation. Rather than see friends, we see enemies. Rather than helpers, we see hinderers. Rather than neighbours, we see strangers.
Surprisingly enough, after all is done and dusted, and when death calls the ‘enemy’, the ‘hinderer’, and the ‘stranger’, we start preparing for a befitting burial. We put all else on hold, to come out of the prison of self-isolation and withdrawal. We get the best of everything possible and imaginable to celebrate a life we scorned, neglected, abandoned, and hated. We employ the services of the best caterers in town to prepare the choicest meals that they never smelt during their birthdays and other anniversaries. We draft the best worded tributes in their honour, when for months and years, they longed to receive just a call or were subjected to emotional distress over ignored calls. This brings us back to the question, if we could not live in peace, how can we rest in peace? So, when next you pray and wish your loved ones to rest in peace, ask yourself, are we first living in peace? If we live in peace, then we shall rest in peace.
If the doctrine of the communion of saints is anything to go by, that those who live virtuous and good lives here on earth, will live in peace and union with God in heaven, then it suffices to mean that the blessedness of life we intend to enjoy and continue in heaven, does not start and end there. Rather it must start here and is to be continued when we meet God face to face in heaven. It follows therefore, that the virtuous relationships we keep and live here on earth, would only continue but in a more perfect and glorified manner, when we meet in heaven. That communion – common union of God’s people must start here, and when we rest in peace, we only transmigrate to be at perfect peace with God and our loved ones, especially those who have gone before us marked with the sign of faith.
— anavalobee@gmail.com
